Divorce carries with it a lot of negative connotations. Often times, a divorcing individual may feel like they’ve failed. Depending on the particular issues that led to the divorce, they may feel dehumanized, unimportant, cheated, or worse. While divorce can certainly be seen as an ending, thanks to the fact that it is more commonly accepted now than it was even 30 years ago, it can also be seen as a beginning. It is possible—and advisable—that those divorcing stay positive as they begin to craft the next chapter of their lives.
While it’s certainly not easy, staying positive and looking forward to the future can help a divorcing partner create better plans and, if there are children involved, work towards being a good co-parent as they go about establishing their new two-home family. Here are some tips for facing a difficult time with a positive attitude and meeting adversity as a challenge rather than a disaster.
If your friend wants to come over and watch the kids so you can catch a movie or take you shopping—let them. Accept help that is offered and ask for help as you need it. Trying to figure out what life will look like after a divorce is difficult, and you don’t have to do it alone. Allow people to support you and begin to nurture those relationships.
The other side of this coin is asking for help when you need it. Friends that have been through a divorce may be able to surmise some of what you need, but no one can be sure of the best way to help you without you speaking up. Asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s self-awareness. Knowing when to ask for help can help you face challenges head on.
Spend Time With People That Build You Up
Who you surround yourself with matters. If there are people who imply that you are at fault for your current situation or who feel a need to pry in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you may want to limit your time with them. Rather, spend time with those individuals who build you up and support you. During a divorce, it may feel good to occasionally bad mouth your former partner, however, it’s not constructive. Friends and family that can help you move forward and plan for the future and who are able to lend a shoulder or ear when necessary can help you maintain a positive focus as you work through a divorce.
A therapist can also help you process any feelings of hurt or unworthiness so you can place your energy where it matters. In fact, collaborative divorce actively uses the services of the licensed mental health professionals to move the divorce process forward in a way that is generally gentler and kinder for all participants. If you are unable to use the collaborative divorce process, a licensed mental health professional may be able to help you personally as you seek to create the post-divorce life you imagine for yourself.
Focus on Self-Care
Stress affects everyone differently. Some may lose sleep, skimp on meals, or eat poorly. Rather than allowing the stress of a divorce and the uncertainty of the future lead you to negative habits, focus on taking care of yourself. Self-care can be a simple as setting aside time for reflection daily, working out, or doing your favorite hobbies. The important thing is that you spend time doing activities that are valuable to you and that bring you joy.
Unless you are a naturally optimistic person, staying positive can be hard, especially when you are divorcing. One way to ensure that you have the help you need is to hire a Tampa divorce lawyer who understands your goals and who is willing to work with you to get you there. Whether you’re interested in the collaborative divorce process, mediation, or a traditional divorce, Quinn Law Firm can help. Set up a free consultation today to learn more.