Divorce is seen as a traumatic process, and while the divorce styles of the past certainly merited that distinction, the advent of mediation and collaborative divorce have provided families with an alternative that is seen as a more positive way to dissolve a marriage. While divorce will always be a big change, it can be used as a stepping stone for growth. One way to make the experience less traumatic is to focus on the children- learning how to co-parent with an ex is key to success.
Co-parenting is increasingly important in a world where almost half marriages end in divorce. Parents who share custody can help alleviate the stress and tension of the divorce and diminish some of the negative effects on their children by utilizing techniques meant to help them communicate and work together to raise their children while in two separate households.
Why is Co-Parenting Important?
Children with parents who successfully co-parent and work together in their upbringing feel more secure and adjust better to their new situation. They understand that they are still loved and often have better self-esteem. Consistency between a child’s two homes can help them adjust as they can understand that the rules are the same regardless of where they are. For many, long-distance co-parenting makes it easier on the kids than bitter outbursts from parents residing in the same area.
Similar expectations and rules make life easier for everyone involved.
Children raised by parents who co-parent see a positive example of people working together and may be less likely to suffer emotional distress due to the divorce.
Co-Parenting Tips
Co-parenting isn’t easy and definitely requires the buy-in of both former spouses. Here are some tips to help you get started.
- Don’t act from a place of hurt: Rather than letting your emotions dictate your actions. It may feel good to snap at your former spouse or deny them some privilege. However, long term, it isn’t good for the children. Choose to be motivated by what is best for your children and work to find a way to communicate with your former spouse that is amenable to you.
- Build a support system: Make sure you have someone to speak to about your feelings. It can be a friend or a professional. While you may have some anger or resentment at your former partner, you don’t want that coming out in front of the kids. Having someone else to speak with and vent to can help you move past those feelings and better enable you to focus on your children’s wellbeing.
- Discuss how communication will occur: Discuss the best ways to communicate to remove some of the stress of dealing with your ex. Ideally, it would be best if you had this discussion with a child specialist who can provide pointers for how to broach topics and appropriate ways to make requests.
Collaborative Divorce Can Help With Co-Parenting
Co-parenting isn’t easy, and the methods used when children are young may differ from those adopted as the children grow. One way to help ensure you and your family get off on the right foot with co-parenting is to use the collaborative divorce process.
With a focus on the best interests of all involved parties, collaborative divorce allows separating spouses to work together to craft their divorce agreements and utilize a team trained to engage and educate. A child specialist can prove especially useful for parents in a collaborative divorce. With their training in child development and experience with custody agreements and co-parenting, they can provide parents with helpful methods and tools to use as they navigate their new roles.
If you’d like to learn more about the collaborative process and the importance of co-parenting,
speak to a trained Tampa collaborative divorce lawyer.
